Being Thankful

This year has not been one of my best.  There was a lot going on that was out of my hands.  Yet this Thanksgiving I have so much to be thankful for.  Things that, when I feel my plate is too full, I take for granted.

My children.
Their health.
My health.
Being able to provide for myself and my children.

I look back on this year and where I am now compared to where I was in January.  The year started off with my husband telling me that he wanted a divorce.  There wasn't any hesitation to my response. "Okay", I said.  There were tears shed, but no dramatic sobbing.  No begging or pleading with him to work it out.  Truth is my marriage died long before he got the courage to end it.

Being a single mother is never anything I thought I'd be doing, but here I am.  Doing it. I'm the head of my household and it's been rather nice.  My children and I make some decisions together.  What to have for dinner, where to go on vacation, what color should we paint the kitchen.  It's a very relaxed atmosphere in our home.

It hasn't always been easy this year. My children heard the word 'No' a lot this year, and that's okay. They are older now and understand a bit more as to why they had to hear it.  I am blessed with a good paying job that as afforded me to be able to take care of things on my own.

When I explained to my boss what was happening in my life, she said, "You never know the burden you're carrying until that burden is gone" How true that statement is.  I never realized how much of me had been lost in the last eight or so years of our thirteen year marriage.  I felt less of a wife and mother and more like a nanny.  I would say this often and it was always received on deaf ears making me feel as if my feelings weren't valid.

No more.

My husband and I get along much better now that we are not under the same roof any longer.  He has moved on in his personal life, and while I'm not thrilled with the manner in which he did it, I wish him and her both luck.  She's going to need it.  Not that I'm perfect, but a relationship is the last thing on my mind.  I don't need one right now.  My focus is myself and my children, and it's been rather nice.

My home has has been a much happier home.  More laughter and less yelling.  There is still structure but it's more relaxed.  The children are learning a lot more responsibility and I don't have to be a drill sargent about it.  I've explained to them that what is going on between their father and I has never been their fault.  We talk, openly and candidly, about everything.  It's nice feeling like a mom again.

So, while this year has not been what I though it was going to be, it's turned out to be much more, and for that, I am truly thankful.